Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Michael Bay diarrhea
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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