i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
