I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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