Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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