She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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