i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
