eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize