Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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