Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
