So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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