Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i've created a new STD.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
