I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
