I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
