sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
