all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
