dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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