she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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