also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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