i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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