Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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