My hand turned me down
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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