my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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