i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
did i walk over a car last night?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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