Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
