i'm signing you up for texting rehab
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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