Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
