wrigley field is MILF paradise
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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