Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
