Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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