btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
