Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
