I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
