Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She announced her abortion via fbk
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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