Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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