I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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