i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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