She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
