I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
