my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
