I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize