apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
