I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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