Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
