just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize