I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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