I'll bet she douches with gravy.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize