she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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