Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
tell me about the eggs
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
