dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
