All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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