OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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