Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
