Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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