She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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