we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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