Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
