Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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