hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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