i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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