Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
