R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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