You were right. It hurts to walk today.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
