There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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