I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
