It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
