My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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