Apparently you make a good broom.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
