p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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