Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just sent this text using only my big toe
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
