Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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