I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Do vagina's smell?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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