We're facebook friends in real life
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
