My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
organizing the empties. That sober.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
