you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
