How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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