I want to have your abortion
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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