Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
