Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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