i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
